Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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