I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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