She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
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