We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
two words...techno handjob
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
