i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
