Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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