Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
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