Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
