VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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