Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
