Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
