I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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