Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
