I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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