Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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