the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
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