Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Randomize
