im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
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