I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
