Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
a search helicopter?!
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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