I wanna bring you to show and tell
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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