How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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