my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I think a kid would responsible me up
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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