Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
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i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
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Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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