He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
