Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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