Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
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All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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