Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Randomize
