I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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