i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
