smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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