what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
