i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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