You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
