I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
