do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
