hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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