Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize