PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
True strength comes from lack of pants
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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