I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
