yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
