So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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