I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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