Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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