I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
