FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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