Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
