OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
