you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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