so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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