I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
