You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
