i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
