I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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