i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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