Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
