I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
