I'm pants shitting drunk right now
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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