Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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